My Quest for Quiet

Simplicity, Ashen Wings

Sartre said “Hell is other people,” and I often agree with him, particularly in crowded malls around Christmastime and when my Neighbors of the Perpetual Laundry are running their machines after 11 at night or at 5 in the morning. I may be one of the few people on earth who’s deliberately trying to deafen herself with her iPod, but so far it hasn’t worked.

As a result, I’m on the quest for the Holy Grail of the sound-sensitive: the Cone of Silence. My personal auditory isolation field. Alas, this isn’t an easy quest, nor is it an inexpensive one.

My first step was to upgrade my apartment quality, but that comes with its own sonic minefields. Yes, the walls are thicker and the windows better-sealed in my new complex ($1,380 for a 1-bedroom), but instead of a shared laundry room, each apartment has a washer and dryer in a closet off the patio, and this causes an entirely new set of problems. A laundry room is usually pretty remote, so if you aren’t living right next to it, its noise doesn’t bother you. It’s also often locked after certain hours, making those late-night and early-morning laundry runs impossible. When everyone controls their own machine and there’s no means of policing off-hours usage, sonic chaos results. Frankly, I’m not sure when my collective neighbors sleep, but apparently it’s not at night. Nor do they close their laundry room doors, which might do something to muffle the clack-clack-clack. I can only hope my politely diurnal laundry loads are waking them up in turn.

My next step, then, was to purchase a set of noise-cancelling headphones, and after extended web research, I decided that Bose® QuietComfort® 2 Acoustic Noise Cancelling® Headphones were the gold standard. Sacrificing the coffee table I was hoping to purchase (the DVD player will remain perched on a spare chair for the next few months), I headed down to the nearest Bose store and bought a pair, which deliver the same quality as the QuietComfort 3 but have a different earpiece design and a lower price.

The jury’s still out, however, on whether I’ll return them within my allocated 30 days. They deaden low, steady noises well but only muffle sounds like my refrigerator’s rather loud buzz, the neighbors’ washing machines or televisions, and the jackhammering outside my office window. Now, to be sure, Bose designed the headphones to make music sound better and to cancel out airplane noise or CPU hum, and I’m looking for total auditory deadening. Since I’m not getting it, I may return these and get a coffee table, after all. But I will admit that they’re pretty comfy and have a lot of prestige factor (”oooh, Bose. Nice.”), if that’s what winds your watch.

Onward! So, I want sound deadening, eh? Further research revealed the existence of custom-molded earplugs. Now, for the last few years I’ve been using foam earplugs when I travel, and now that I’m living in The Land of Midnight Launderers, I’ve started wearing them every night. But foam earplugs are uncomfortable and seem environmentally suspect, since they must be discarded after a couple of uses. So I called all the audiologists in town and settled on the nice-sounding doctor who immediately understood what I was asking about. The next afternoon I was sitting in her office getting my ears filled with silicone, which is a very odd sensation, although not unpleasant. I could have happily walked around the rest of my life with my ears so plugged — like foam earplugs, incidental noise was killed but voices still came through, somewhat muffled. Perfect.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t an option. The rather curious-looking curly molds were removed and mailed off to be turned into much shorter silicone plugs, at an after-tax price of $105. Will they be worth it? The plugs should sit more comfortably in my ears, do a better job at deadening noise because they can’t be shifted by yawns or chewing or talking, and last 2-5 years, according to my research. The audiologist said that body chemistry can affect their life; I can only hope my ears don’t contain some strange silicone-eating bacteria. I’m looking forward to getting them in 10-14 days. If they work well, they may become as much a part of my life as my glasses. At least when I’m not at work, where hearing my students is something of a job requirement….

I’ve looked into white noise generators, but in the past I haven’t had good luck with them; my mind focuses on any inconsistencies in the noise and keeps me awake — looping recordings of crickets and surf  don’t work for me. They just add more noise. The most popular white noise generator seems to be the relatively inexpensive Marpac White Noise Machine Sleep Mate Sound Screen 980 Dual Speed Sound Conditioner, which gives off a steady fan sound, so if I decide to take the plunge, I’ll give it a shot. However, I think the earplugs will do the job. (Friends also suggest putting up sound baffling, but as a renter, there’s a limit to the modifications I can make to the apartment! Plus, I like my open, white, spacious bedroom.)

And that leaves my last option — hoping the worst of the Late Night Launderers move out soon and praying for the serenity to accept the ambient noise of apartment living and the next-door strip mall as a part of life. Cost: $0. Effectiveness: I’ll let you know.

drupagliassotti @ May 29, 2008